Mommy's Project 52:31 Singing

When I was little I loved singing. So much so, that often times, I would pretend to be a famous singer. Granted that fairy tail daydream never actually came to light because I have a horrible voice, but I still do love to sing. I now sing to my girls every night that I am not working. Well, here lately, I only sing to my oldest because my baby does not want her songs. I still cringe whenever I truly listen to myself sing without music to drown out my voice, however, it does seem to calm my children down when they are upset. If my singing is good enough for me, that's all that matters. I only hope I still have a few more years left of being able to calm them with singing.

Mommy's Project 52:20 Cooking

I love cooking, but I can be very anal about it. I love to try new recipes, but if that recipe has a picture with it I am in trouble. Even though I know the picture is air brushed so that it is flawless, I get it in my head that my meal should come out looking like that. Of course we all now that it never does right? Not exactly. This was a few years ago, but I had found a salmon recipe and it looked and sounded really good. So, I set out to duplicate it. And I did! In fact, I think it may have actually looked better than the picture. The problem...pictures can be deceiving. After working so hard to make sure things were perfect, the meal was finally done, table set, and my husband and I were ready to eat. One bite in and we decided that the meal was not as appetizing as it looked. We actually threw almost all of it away and ordered pizza instead.

Needless to say, I have somewhat learned not to go by the pictures. I still like for my meals to come out looking like the pictures, so now I just try to find recipes that do not have them.

Mommy's Project 52:14 Nap Time

So I am very late with the post this week...the results of being just a bit too busy right now.

This is a picture of a very rare occasion of my oldest actually taking a nap (granted it is from a year ago). She does not nap often so these moments are far and few between. Mommy thoroughly enjoys these rare times!!!

Mommy's Project 52:13 Bathing

Bathing...A time to clean yourself...or is it?

If you are like my daughters, bathing is a time to splash and see how wet they can make mommy! I long ago decided that it would be better to wear a rain coat in the bathroom whenever they take a bath simply so that I stay dry. I still have yet to do that.

Then of course, there are the dogs. Yes, they are "fun" to give a bath to. We have 3 dogs and they all weigh over 60 pounds with one of them over 100 pounds. There is nothing better than fighting a dog that is half your size to get into a bath tub and stay there. If you are lucky enough to get the dogs into the bath (one at a time of course), you can almost be guaranteed that by the time you get them all soaped up, they are out and running. No, bath time with them is not fun. In fact, so much so that it went from bath time to shower time a long time ago. So much simpler now.

My husband is a shower man. I don't even know the last time he actually sat in the bath tub. I think it is a man thing...

And me. I love baths. I don't take the to actually clean, that's what the shower is for. No, bathing for me is purely about relaxing. Light some candles, bring in a glass (or bottle) of wine, fill the bath with bubbles and the hottest water I can stand...Yep, that to me is bathing.

Mommy's Project 52:11 Rewarding

I could go into a lot of things that are rewarding for me. Raising my children, making a good catch at work, finishing a project that I have been working on for a while, etc. However, I think right now the most rewarding thing in my life, other than my children since they will always win hands down, is working out. I was really doubting myself when I started working out again. Especially after a couple of weeks when I was not seeing any weight loss. However, I kept at it. I have started to slowly see progress, not only on the scale, but also in the way my clothing is fitting, and my stamina. I never thought I would be able to run. Although I still have a very LONG way to go with running, I can now do the laps that the fitness instructor has us do. Granted, they are slow, but I am no longer walking. I have also noticed that my intensity is increasing. This is a recent development thanks to some encouraging words from the instructor to the entire class on what he expects. It has been hard, but it as been so worth it! I can now actually see me reaching my weight loss goals if I continue to work out. For me, working out is my reward...my reward to myself for working so hard to not fall apart with everything else I have going on in my life.

Mommy's Project 52:9 Caring

Caring...

I have always cared for others...other people, animals, sometimes even material objects; never for myself though. That is something I am learning now, and something I am relearning when it comes to others.

After the birth of my youngest, I stopped caring. About everything. I stopped doing everything. I did not take care of myself. I really didn't care if I was home with my family or at work or anywhere. I stopped taking care of the house. I stopped doing our finances. I didn't even care if I was mean to others. As I said...I stopped doing EVERYTHING, and I stopped CARING! It took about a year for me and my husband to really accept that there was a problem. A very serious problem. Postpartum Depression. Sure, during that year, I had good days, but the bad days were far more common. By this time, I was at a very violent point in my life. My husband and I were fighting all the time. I was always angry. All I did was yell at my girls, mostly for minor things that could have, and should have, been handled in a very different manor. I never actually hurt anybody or anything, but I had the desire. A very deep desire. And it scared me.

I finally sought help. I was prescribed medication, but being the stubborn person that I am, I refused to take it. I did however seek out a therapist. I guess I felt that medication was like sweeping the problems under the rug instead of truly dealing with them. Whether that was the right view to have or not really doesn't matter. What matters is that I found a great therapist who has helped me make wonderful progress.

It's been a year now that I have been seeing her. In that time, I have come to accept many things that I honestly would have preferred not too. I have learned that I need to care again. Care not only for my children and my husband, but also for myself. I have always put myself on the back burner. Everybody else was more important, making them happy, making sure they were taken care of, and making sure that they had everything they needed or wanted. Yes, it has been a long, hard year of accepting things and learning things, but I am learning. Slowly, I am learning to care again. I thank God that my wonderful, truly caring, husband had the patience to stand beside me though all of this. For the way I treated him (and sometimes still do), most others would have gone screaming in the other direction.

Mommy Project 52: 7 Selfless

Ok, so I am late on this again. I ran out of time yesterday and crashed from exhaustion around 830. So here it is now...

I have had trouble coming up with something to write on this topic. I have thought about mothers, servicemen, teachers, nurses, etc. There are so many that I could list and all are perfect displays of what is selfless. In all of these positions, the person puts other's in front of their own needs. However, trying to find a good example in my own life has turned out harder than I imagined. I am a mother, yet, I often times find that I am also very selfish. Don't get me wrong, I always put my children before myself, but I always feel I am doing a poor job as well. My mother was a nurse, but it is hard for me to look at her as being selfless. There is a lot behind those feelings that I simply cannot go into. Unfortunately, most servicemen that I have known personally have not left much of a good opinion of them, so I can't really go there either. So that has left me wondering, who in my life do I consider to be selfless. After much thought, it finally came to me...my sister.

She was married for 17 years to a soldier. After 17 years, their marriage came to an end due to no fault of her own, but still leaving her with 3 young boys to care for. During that time she was married, she mostly did not work. She spent her days at home teaching her young boys right from wrong. She moved her family numerous times as is often the case with any military family. She was away from her family and left many friends that she had made to move onto the next station. Then after 17 years, it all ended. She was back at home relying on our parents to care for her children while she returned to work. She had no choice in this. She came through all of this though. She was strong and overcame in the face of adversity. Since then, she is out on her own, and has made a wonderful life with a new husband of almost 7 years. She now has 3 wonderful boys and a wonderful stepson. My sister gave her up dreams of becoming a pediatrician for her ex-husband. And although she has talked about going back to school, she is putting her own children through college. Again, she is giving up her dreams so that she can give to her family. She would do it all over again though. And the best thing...she is HAPPY.

I have strived all my life to be like my older sister. This is something I know I will never achieve, but if I can learn one thing from her...selfless. I would like to be more selfless.

Mommy's Project 52:6 Crazy

Do you ever feel like you life is in absolute chaos? That would be me ALL! THE! TIME! I feel like I am being pulled here and there...do this, do that, go here, etc. There are days where I don't even feel like I am me anymore. There are days when I don't even know who I am. I keep wondering when did this crazy lady replace the real me. I work 40+ hours a week at a job where I am the boss, sell Avon part time, volunteer probably 10+ hours a week, and work out for an hour 3 times a week. This is on top of caring for a family. When do I have time to relax, reflect, and rejuvenate myself? Now, I am also considering going back to school??? Not to mention that the school cost close to $8000 per semester! If I don't stop soon, I think I will probably turn into the crazy lady when I am older. You know, the on that everybody always talks about; the one that has 30 cats running around her tiny house. I think it is time for me to look into a ME vacation before I turn into this...

Mommy's Project 52:5 Loving

I am late on posting this because it has been a crazy week, but I still wanted to get it posted. This picture is probably my favorite of my oldest and her grandmother. What more says love than a grandparent caring for her grandchild...

Mommy's Project 52:4 Dirty

Dirty Diapers!!! That has been life this week. My poor baby girl has been sick since last Thursday and we have been going through diapers like there is no tomorrow. She was even sick on her birthday. Here hoping tomorrow she will finally be feeling better and We can stop going through the diapers.

Mommy's Project 52:3 Challenging

It seems that lately everything for me is a challenge…going to work, being a mother, being a wife, volunteering, etc. In spite of all these challenges, I have decided to add another to the list. For about 3 weeks now, I have been working out. Sounds simple enough, but that is rarely the case. I go to a facility called Fit 2 Your Core and they really work you. It would be so easy for me to just sit at home and stay the same as I am instead of adding more to my plate. However, I want to be more active. I want to be healthy. I want to be skinny. Most of all, I want to be able to keep up with my girls. And let’s face it…anybody who is a parent knows that children have endless amounts of energy. So for 3 weeks I have been going 3 times a week to work out. It has not been easy. The company really does provide the motivation though, at least for me. They hold me accountable. This is not a come and go as you wish place. I have to register for the class times that I will be there. By doing that, they are expecting me. I have this big issue about letting other’s down, so if I say I am going to be someplace, I will be there. This has helped me to make sure I am not wasting money and that I am going. Is my working out help me to achieve my goals? Well, so far I have realized how out of shape I am. I have a lot of trouble keeping up with the workouts, but I try. This is just one of the challenges that I have faced. Scheduling has been a problem for me as well. The best time for me is to go right after work; however that interrupts dinner time with the family. For now though, we are making that work. The last challenge that I have faced since I began working out is my health. Apparently, my lungs do not like all this added activity and is giving me a really difficult time with breathing during and after the work outs. It has been suggested that this is the result of exercise induced asthma, but I still need to go to the doctor to find out. Hopefully, Monday will bring some answers since that’s when my appointment is. Until then, I will keep pushing through all the challenges that I face everyday and hope that this one gets easier as time goes on.

Mommy's Project 52:2 Silly

I have been trying to figure out something silly to post all day long, and honestly, I havent been able to. So, I am going to post a couple of pictures of my children. My mother in law is always calling them Silly-Dilly and that is what my children are...Silly.

This on is my youngest making toilet paper jammies when she was supposed to be in bed:


My oldest, sleeping inside her pillow case: