i have not written in a while...Between birthday parties, working, children, husband, and miscellaneous other things, i have been running short of time and energy. Now, I am taking a breather and reflecting. My babies are growing up. My mom says they are growing too fast for her...wait a minute...your their grandmother, not their mother. You're supposed to be enjoying your time and I am supposed to be the one saying they are growing too fast.
However, sometimes, that is just not the case. Right now, I would love for them both to be just a couple years older. Old enough to know better, old enough to listen, old enough to understand, old enough to be able to communicate without crying and whining, old enough to sleep all night long most nights, old enough to appreciate sleeping in...i could go on and on but i will stop there. The bottom line...I love my girls and I do want more children, however, every so often I would love to leave the house with my girls and not haul the kitchen sink with us...diapers, wipes, change of clothing for 2 in case of accidents, snacks, etc. I would love to be able to send them to their room and have them play quietly for an hour without trying to kill each other or themselves. I would love just an hour of time to myself...time to read, time to sit and stare into nothing, time for a bath, time for wine, time for me to just be me.
Then there are times like the other day...i was napping on the couch and woke up with a little girl sleeping on my chest. When i initially laid down on the couch, she was sleeping on the love seat and i was attempting to read. I asked my husband why he moved her on top of me. He told me she didn't, she woke up and climbed up on me and went back to sleep. Or times like last night...my little one was not feeling good and only mommy could make her comfortable enough to sleep. Or this morning...taking my oldest to a birthday party and helping her bowl for the first time...seeing the excitement in her eyes and loving every minute of it.
Do i want my time back...sure i do, but i think i want my little girls to be little a while longer yet. And hopefully, by the time i get to the age where I am a grandmother myself, I will be able to enjoy my grandchildren, but still be happy to have my time, instead of being sad that the babies are growing up.
