Negativity

I dont understand people. Why would anybody want to live their life feeling sorry for themselves and getting others to feel sorry for them as well? I cant help think about how sad of a life that would be. Yes, everybody has their problems, and yes, everybody goes through rough times, but why dwell on them? Something positive can come out of any situation, you just have to be willing to look for it. I guess if you are constantly dwelling on the negative aspects of your life, then finding the positive is impossible. For what it is worth, I have been there. I went through a period of several years of being negative. Let me tell you, it takes a lot more energy to be negative all the time. Soon, the negativity starts to zap the energy out of those around you as well. Once that starts to happen, nobody wants to be around you. Thats what finally helped me move out of that phase of my life. I realized that I really had nobody other than my husband. I cant say that we had the greatest of relationships at the time. Slowly though, it did start to get better, one day at a time. So now, I look at the situation I am dealing with now...I am was not the negative person, but rather the one always trying to bring the positive into this persons life. I got to the point where I no longer had the energy to deal with it, and now I dont. I just sit here and try hard to not even acknowledge that the person is in the room. Now, at a point in their life, when they probably need a friend more than anything, I am not there for them. Why? Is it just too hard? Or have I come to the conclusion that I cant change anybody else? Maybe, I am just trying to live for myself now and trying to find the positives in my life by limiting what negativity I can. Does this make me a bad person? Am I selfish for wanting to be happy?

9 months ago

9 months ago today, I was sitting in a hospital bed, in pain but content. I was holding my newborn baby girl. I was happy, scared, angry, and tired. In short, I was one big ball of emotions. Today, I am still one big ball of emotions. How can my sweet, innocent baby girl already be 9 months old? She is so different from her older sister. Brylin is my calm baby. Of course, she is also my clingy baby. She is growing so much quicker than Piper and she is learning quicker as well. We have gone through quite a bit of learning together, from how to breast feed to learning her subtle little cues. There are many times that I am still clueless as to what my baby girl is trying to tell me. It still amazes me how a tiny, helpless baby who cannot talk can communicate so easily. Sure I am still learning the differences between her cries, but it is finally getting easier for me. And now, she is beginning to talk. She clearly says mama, dada, no, boo, and nigh (night). Every so often she says baby and oof (woof). She is walking around furniture, climbing on everything, and attempting to stand all by herself. She is at what I like to call the fun age...the one where everything is a learning experience for her and she has not completely learned that art of tantrums (although Piper is quickly teaching her those as well). Soon I will no longer have a baby, but a toddler, and then a preschooler, followed by a child, a teenager, and then she will turn into an adult herself. So, before she grows too fast, I am going to take this time to enjoy her, at this perfect age. I am also going to enjoy Piper, even though she is at that trying terrible two's phase. I am going to take one day at a time with my girls and try to enjoy the innocence that they both have.

Going to try

well, i have decided that i need a way to express myself so i am going to try to blog. normally, i write poetry, but i have to get too emotional in order to write anything good. granted there are times that i am very emotional thanks to post pregnancy hormones. i think it is also due to lack of sleep. i have 2 beautiful little girls, a crazy work schedule, volunteer for The Mommies Network, and sell Avon. between the everything, i barely get 4-5 hours of broken sleep a night. so here i am...should be getting into bed, but instead, i am writing / setting up a blog. not sure how often i will get to update this or where i will go with my ramblings, but here is my start. for now though, it is time to put my head to the pillow.