Happy Birthday

Four years ago today, I received a wonderful miracle. A miracle that I thought would never happen. A dream that I had just about given up on came true. I became a mother. My husband and I tried for 7 years before we were finally blessed with becoming pregnant. It was a very long 7 years and during that time, I went through many emotions from happiness for others to anger towards others. Close friends and family that tried for only 1 month and were immediately pregnant. Other's who were on birth control and did not want children finding out they were pregnant. The one that really broke me...my sister. She was not supposed to be able to get pregnant and yet, she was. Don't get me wrong, I was very happy for all of these friends and family, but I was in a world of self pity. I could not figure out what was wrong with me. My husband and I were really ready to give up. In fact, the month that we conceived, we were extremely lucky. It almost didn't happen. We were both sick and not really feeling it, but reluctantly, we gave in. About 3 weeks later, 2 days before our anniversary, we found out we were finally expecting. We were caution of who we were telling at first because of my family history. We told my parents and were only going to tell my mother in law, but given that his grandmother was very sick, we decided to let her know that her first great grand child was on the way. We then had our first doctor appointment, only to find that the baby had no heartbeat. We were scared out of our minds and thinking the worst. We made a follow-up appointment for a week later to check the heartbeat again, but before we had the chance to go, we received the phone call that my husband's grandmother had passed away. This was not the best time as we had to drive half way across the country to attend the funeral, which meant that we had to reschedule our appointment. It was a hard week with the funeral and the stress of not knowing what was going on with the pregnancy.

After coming back home we had to wait another week before our appointment. It was a very long week, but finally the appointment arrived and we were extremely relieved that we had a heart beat. We have been told and firmly believe that my husband's grandmother is our baby's guardian angel. While she was alive, my baby did not have a heart beat and we were not sure of the future, but after her passing, we were at peace. We knew our baby would be okay.

That was 4 years and 8 months ago. I didn't know it at the time, but that should have been the first clue that my baby was going to be a difficult, head strong child. The pregnancy was not the easiest. Towards the end, I had high blood pressure and had to be taken off work early. Then, two weeks later, I had to be induced due to my blood pressure. I went to the hospital the night before and had a very rough night. I was given 2 Ambien to help me sleep, but did not sleep at all. The next morning, the doctor came in and broke my water. I was in immediate pain. After some drugs and an epidural, I finally was able to get some sleep. At the time, I didn't know how long I was out, but I woke up to a strong urge to push. The nurse kept telling me that I could not push because I was not complete. That did not go over well at all. Finally, the doctor came back in and I was allowed to push. I thought I had pushed for well over two hours, only to learn later that it was actually about 15 minutes. During this time, I was feeling every little thing, but everybody kept telling me that I had the epidural so it was impossible for me to be feeling everything. I felt the doctor cut me, but was in so much pain from the birth, I really didn't care. I wanted my baby out! Then she got stuck. They started calling for back up. I was past the point of return and there was only one way she was coming out. The doctor had to pull her out of me. When she was finally out, she was not crying. Again, I was about to freak out, but then heard the sweet sound of her screaming. Once the doctor was stitching me up, he finally believed me that I was actually feeling everything. Thankfully he numbed before he continued to stitch me up. Then of course there was my new baby girl. After doing all the checking on her to make sure she was okay, it came back that she had Erb's Palsy due to her being pulled out of me. My sweet baby girl was not perfect as every parent hopes for. We were given stretches to do with her and range of motion exercised. As time went on, the condition corrected itself.

Once we settled into being parents, we realized that we had one very colicky baby. So began a new thing we were dealing with. I was also going through some PPD, although it wasn't until going through it with my second child that I realized this was what was going on. Of course, as time went on, things improved, for both, baby and mama. Now here we are, four years later, with a very determined, head strong, free thinking preschooler. And I wouldn't trade any minute of it! Happy Birthday my baby girl, I am honored to be your mother.